THE POWER OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

Unconditional love is the most powerful emotion a human being can experience. It is healing and miraculous; there is no hurt it cannot heal, or turmoil it cannot calm. Now you could be wondering: Then, unconditional love is a solution to all problems in life? Yes; but is not an easy one. Unconditional love is difficult to achieve. We need to understand its meaning, before we can apply it to our problems.

The starting point of unconditional love is with the self, learning to love and accept us completely. We don’t have to love everything about ourselves, we just need to accept who we are to be able to change in a natural, unforced, flowing way. Transformation doesn’t happen from night to morning; it requires awareness of our flaws, recognition of them, acceptance, willingness to change, and doing the work. We won’t be able to love others unconditionally until we love ourselves fully. Then, we can apply the magic rule to resolve our daily problems.

Unconditional love applies to everyone, including animals, humans, the planet, and everything that exists since we, in essence, are all one. Unconditional love is different to unconditional relationships. We can end a relationship that is not supporting our emotional and/or spiritual growth without ending the unconditional love toward the person, or group of persons involved. Unconditional love looks for what is better for everyone without feelings of resentment, anger, or separation. It is precisely the sense of separation which causes us suffering, loneliness, and even illnesses.

There is a yogi teacher, I don’t remember his name to quote him; but during one of his presentations he wrote the words Illness and Wellness highlighting the I and We, to explain the negative impact of the I, which can even compromise our health, compared to We which boost our immune system. Here is how it works. The I go hand in hand with want, need, am etc. I want, I need, I am, are stressors because they trigger tension, frustration and even anger. These emotions arise when we don’t get what we want. The stress sends a signal to our brain which immediately release cortisone and other hormones.  Because we are not in real danger, the body doesn’t burn out these hormones, causing them to become toxic elements that circulate through our blood system.

Wellness instead, is about cooperation, support, sharing and caring. Wellness transforms the feeling of concern for what we want into a feeling of concern for others, bringing peace, softness, and happiness which boost our immune system.

Unconditional love should be understood as unity, acceptance, and caring within a frame of respect and no judgment. Sometimes we could feel obligated to say yes to multiple requests to show unconditional love, forgetting that part of loving ourselves is caring for our own needs. We can say NO lovingly, when necessary. It could be the beginning of an honest communication that could take all people involved to understand how the fulfillment of each person needs, based on their personalities, need time to no overwhelm any of the individuals involved.

Unconditional love is more than what we could think it is. People may mistakenly believe that love has no boundaries and suffer physical or emotional abuse in the name of love. It is not love, it is attachment, and it is unacceptable. This is a subject we will discuss when we get to the topic of healthy relationships. I just want to emphasize that unconditional love is not blind.  It is clear, transparent, generous, compassionate. It has spiritual boundaries which need to be respected to keep the purity of love with no conditions.

I would like to finish this article by sharing three steps recommended by Tara Brach, a recognized Buddhist spiritual teacher, who in my opinion inspire us to be better persons. I am not a Buddhist, but I can recognize the good teachings from the different materials I use to foster my spiritual growth. Here are the steps:

Seeing

See the inner beauty of other people

Instead of looking at the external part of a person, see to the soul, the divine spirit, the natural goodness that comes from the divinity we all have inside. Sometimes we are quick to judge not knowing the pain or personal circumstances others are going through. Anthony de Melo said: “When you see them in their inner beauty you transform and create” We need to stop judging to create transformation.

Meditate about the goodness of the person with whom you want to have a better connection. When we see the good in someone, we bring it out.

Feeling

Feel love and appreciation toward others.

Tara shared a story about a man that was in a meeting with his doctor and looked to be in a hurry. The doctor asked what was going on and the man said: “I don’t want to be late for a breakfast with my wife. The doctor asked, “Can you call her and let her know why you will be late? The old man answered: “She is in a retirement home; she has Alzheimer and hasn’t recognized me for the last 5 years. The doctor replied: “Why such a hurry, if she doesn’t recognize you? The old man answered: “She doesn’t know me, but I still know who she is”. What a beautiful lesson of unconditional love. Often, with time, we forget the feelings of love once we enjoyed. The feeling is what keeps the love flowing.

During meditation bring into your heart the feeling of love for life, people, and the whole universe. “Feel it, and you will see it”.

Expressing

Don’t be afraid of expressing you love, is a way to honor who you are.

Sometimes we don’t express our feelings because of fear of being vulnerable. However, the beauty of unconditional love is its vulnerability. It is a tribute to those we love. Sometimes we assume people know how much we love them. We may be surprised to find out that loving them is not enough for them to feel our love. Expressing our love is needed. Hug people with all your body, spirit, and heart, sometimes a hug can make a big difference in a person’s life. Smiles and kindness are also expressions of love the world needs. Smile to the cashier when you are doing shopping, to the elderly person on the street, to the stranger that crosses your path.

When you meditate send love not only to people you know, expand your reach to those that are in a hospital with terminal illnesses, people in jail, people who dislike us, people who need redemption.

If you want to learn more about the powers that come from meditation don’t miss our next blog on Friday November 2^nd about the Power of Patience.

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If you would like to share a personal story with the purpose of helping others, or to write a blog article please email me at gladys.gonzalez@ocipeace.org