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What is patience? There are multiple definitions, but here I am sharing my personal point of view: I believe patience is the capacity to accept trouble, delays, and difficult circumstances while staying calm. Easy to say, hard to achieve. One of the obstructions in the practice of meditation is aversion, and aversion includes anger. Anger is the enemy of patience, and it comes from fear, attachment, hurt, jealousy…the list of causes is endless. It is a feeling associated with thoughts, which come and goes when we live in autopilot. The good news is that anger is necessary in order to learn the virtue of patience.
I would like to illustrate the concept of anger being necessary to practice patience by sharing a story from the book “Seeking the Heart of Wisdom”. There was a community lead by G.I. Gurdjieff in France. One old man who lived there, was a personification of irritability, messiness, fighting with everyone, unwilling to clean up or help at all. No one got along with him. Finally, after many frustrating months of trying to stay with the group, the old man decided this was not a place for him and left for Paris. Gurdjieff followed him and did everything in his power to convince him to return, but the man said no. Finally, Gurdjieff offered the man a large monthly stipend if he returned to live in the community. When he returned, everyone was in shock after they found out he had been paid to return (while they were being charged a large sum to be there). The community was extremely upset and there were plenty of complaints. After Gurdjieff listened to their complaints, he laughed and explained: “This man is like yeast for bread” “without him here you would never really learn about anger, irritability, PATIENCE, and compassion. That is why you pay me, and why I hired him”.
Anger is not good or bad, is a feeling like any other. What makes anger difficult is the suffering that it causes because of our reaction to it. When we feel anger toward someone, we should consider that he or she is just like us. Anger is the reflection of our own suffering, our attachments, our fears, our loneliness. Underneath the anger usually there is a need for love, acceptance, and understanding. Anger and ill will are our best teachers, and the best tool to manage them, is to examine the feelings through mindfulness. Patience is the balm that softens the heart, and through mindful meditation we can open our heart and learn patience.
There is another story I would like to share: There was a member of the military service that was discharged after he got physically and emotionally hurt. He was suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which was destroying his life and his family. After much suffering he decided to try mindfulness meditation to alleviate his condition. He started training his mind to keep calm in moments of stress. One day he was at the supermarket on a long waiting line which was one of the things that triggered his anger.
He noticed that there was an old lady, who handled a little boy to the cashier. The cashier held the little boy for a moment, and then gave him back to the lady. The man felt that was all he could take. He felt to start yelling at the two women for their lack of consideration. Suddenly he remembered the mindfulness training and focused on observing his breath and his anger while repeating to himself : anger, anger, anger…After a few minutes he felt better and by the time he got to the cashier he tried to be nice and said: “the boy you were holding for a moment was very cute”.
The cashier, with tears in her eyes, said: Thanks, he is my little boy; my husband is in the military far away from home, I have to work to put the bread on the table, and my mom takes care of my child. Once in a while she brings my boy here and for a second, I can hold him and give him love. The heart of the man was full of gratitude for that short moment of mindfulness, which transformed his anger.
The skill of patience is hard to master but is key to achieve any form of success. It helps us see situations in a positive light and allow us to recognize the truth in a situation by accepting our resistances.
Some steps that will help you to develop patience:
- Make patience your goal for the first 2 hours of every day for a week and carefully observe your reactions.
- Practice thinking before you speak
- Wait until you calm down to be in a better position to make strategic decisions.
- Practice taking a deep breath when you feel the first sign of anger. Deep breaths reduce stress increasing focus which helps to develop patience.
- Stop judgment and move your mind toward a thought of joy and peace.
- Practice mindful meditation for 10 minutes every day. Meditation offers us a place of refuge, silence, and peace.
Don’t miss our blog next Friday November 15 about the power of Trusting
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If you want to suggest any topic, please email to gladys.gonzalez@ocipeace.org
Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution. Kahlil Gibran Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. Leo Buscaglia