BALANCED SELF-ESTEEM AND HUMILITY

“True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less. – Rick Warren –

I love this quote because of its wisdom. Humility is a quality, a characteristic, and a skill we can develop. Humility requires balance. Humility is not thinking less of yourself; that would destroy your self-esteem. On the other hand,  if you focus too much on your talents, abilities, and attributes, you are at risk of considering yourself superior to others. You may start taking things too personally, finding reasons to feel easily offended, or comparing yourself with others. Comparison always make individuals feel either inferior or superior.

How to develop a balanced self-esteem?

We may start by recognizing that talents are not created by us, nor are they our property. We have the capability to increase them, but they are not our merit. Every human being came to this world with a set of skills and talents given as a gift by our creator, according to our life’s calling. I would like to compare those talents with a symphony orchestra. An orchestra is composed of  hundreds of instruments and musicians organized to play beautiful music. However, without a director to guide them, the music wouldn’t be in perfect harmony.

That is my view of humility, recognizing our talents as a gift, and accepting our limitations without feeling less than others. That is the beauty of this world and the perfection of God’s creation. Can you imagine how boring the world would be if everyone had the same talents? It would be very monotonous. There would not be creative minds nor progress in any field.  The magnificence of the world is made of the diversity of talents, levels of intelligence, and technological advances. The fisherman, the farmer, the plumber, have no less value than a NASA engineer, an astronaut, a writer, or a musician. Everyone came into life equipped with the tools needed for its specific role on this earthly journey.

The planet is populated by millions and millions of individuals, each one with unique talents, playing their roles in a harmonious way guided by the divine spirit. We do our part by polishing those talents through practice and service, according to the plan we accepted to fulfill when we came into the world. It is important to recognize that we are only instruments playing the piece of song we were assigned. I believe that maybe by looking at our talents and flaws in that manner, we can keep a balanced self-esteem, and live in gratitude.

Some of the characteristics of authentic humble people are:

• They accept their strengths with gratitude instead of pride.
• They learn and accept their limitations and flaws without defensiveness or judgment.
• They recognize their imperfect human condition. It doesn’t mean they don’t try to improve.
• They have a healthy self-esteem
• They ask for advice when necessary, praise others, admit when they are wrong, and spend more time listening than talking.
• Humble people see life as a school, and recognize they are here to learn the lessons they need for their spiritual growth, and to use their talents on behalf of others.
• They see, hear, and accept others for who they are in the same way that they see and accept their own strengths.
• They love themselves, and embrace others with unconditional love.
• They are honest and truthful

I would like to share some examples of humility from an outstanding world leader who used suffering as a tool of transformation. Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison, was released in 1990 and became president of South Africa in 1994.  He has been recognized as one of the humblest men in the world. He was humble before he went to prison, and continued being humble as a president of South Africa. The stories I share here come from different reliable sources, one of them being an interview with Oprah Winfrey.

Healthy Self-Esteem

On one occasion Nelson Mandela saw a white woman standing next to her broken car in Johannesburg .He approached her and offered help. After fiddling with the engine, he fixed  the car. Thankful for his help, she offered to pay him.

“Oh no, that’s not necessary” he said, “I am only happy to help”.

“But why would you, a black man, have done that if you did not want money?” she asked

“Because you were stranded at the side of the road”, he replied.

This story is important because it shows he didn’t have a low self-esteem, he knew who he was, and still he was humble. He did not feel offended because she referred to him as a black man who would do things because of monetary need or interest. He maintained a peaceful attitude of love and service. That is HUMILITY.

Praise Others

Shortly after Mandela turned 80, he received an honorary doctorate from Harvard University. His words when he accepted the honor were: “I know that through this award, you are not so much recognizing any individual but rather paying tribute to the struggle and achievement of the South African people as a whole.”

Be honest and truthful

During an interview with Oprah Winfrey, she asked how he managed to not feel bitterness after all the years of imprisonment. He answered: “You know you have a limited time to stay on earth, so you focus on positive things. After I came out of jail my first task was to destroy the myth that I was something other than an ordinary human being. In order to be a peacemaker, the first thing you need to do is be honest with yourself, you need to change yourself first to have impact in others, and humility is one of the most important qualities.”

Learn and Accept Limitations and Flows

“It is a tragedy to go to jail especially a white man’s jail” Mandela said, “but while there you can sit down when everyone else is asleep and distance yourself from yourself and discover how you have behaved. Some of the things I discovered made me wish I never did them”

He recognized his flaws and limitations, and he used them for transformation.

I hope this article has given us a better vision of what humility is.

Don’t miss our next article about forgiveness. www.ocipeace.org

If you want to suggest a special subject email gladys.gonzalez@ocipeace.org